I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
