Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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