Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
