I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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