Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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