I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
