I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
