I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
