You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
