I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
