I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
