How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
