I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
