Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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