I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
