Dual....:-)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
