You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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