the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
