i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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