You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
