Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
