i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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