Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dignity is for republicans.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
