allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
