I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
wow bdsm is so cute
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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