Is it because I queefed?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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