At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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