Moan for me like Helen Keller
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
