You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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