when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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