im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize