you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
