I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
