I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
