Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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