Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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