You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
