dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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