I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
