I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
