Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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