I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
