its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
