my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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