i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
