but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
