Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
