am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
