I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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