I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Randomize
