There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
