nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
