this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
