Kiss
Puke
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
