my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
