Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
