i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
