I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
