I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
