am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
