i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
